Father's Day thoughts...Remembering Dad

I am not sure why it is that I can go for a long period of time, barely thinking of a loved one who is now in Heaven because of life's all-consuming busy days...only to become sentimental again, reliving those special memories.
This month, my thoughts turn towards my Dad...perhaps with Father's Day this coming Sunday...perhaps because he also passed away in June. But for whatever reasons, I'm remembering him.

Not all my memories of him are pleasent ones...there were many years wasted due to alcoholism, which snatched away some of my happy childhood. But I can look back and know that he would never have chosen to waste not only some of his life, but to hurt me emotionally in any way...he loved me. And when by God's grace he was delivered from his bondage, he tried to serve Him with all that he had...and he was sometimes plagued with guilt over those stolen years.

Some of my good memories, though, are of when I was very young and Daddy would put me on his shoulders for a ride. He was so tall! Not just to my little child's persective, but at six foot two, I was just a bit nervous up there, riding in the clouds. We'd vist my grandparents who lived next to my great-aunt's meat market and cow pasture and I'd laugh as he'd make mooing sounds that mimicked the cattle exactly.
It was just my parents and me as I grew up...we'd camp, go fishing and ride in our motorboat. I was elated when he let me "drive" the boat one day, when I wasn't more than five or six.
And years later- when he had stopped drinking and was living again for the Lord- we'd have wonderful heart-to-heart talks. He took our family on a road trip to California twice...the first time when I was fourteen and we brought my eleven year old nephew along (whom I got along with great!) ...and the second was in my early twenties. We brought one of my friends, and dispite the fact that he was now on "home dialysis" from kidney disease, he still did most of the driving.
In his last years he contined to try and work hard to provide a living and was determined not to give into his disease. He was a fighter, a perseverer. And like David in the Bible who fell so short of God's plan during part of his life, he was someone who's heart sought after God and he returned to Him with all of his being.

So...though I can't erase totally some of the bad memories that smudged up my growing years like a smeared painting, I do still remember the good qualities of my dad...his sometimes quiet strength, tender heart and perserverence. I wish he could have met my husband...and especially his little granddaughters. I wish I could sit down with him sometimes now and have a good heart to heart talk again. But that won't happen until I get to heaven, and until then, I'll try and remember the good things, to learn from the bad, to forgive...and to miss him.

I love you, Dad. Happy Father's Day.
~Tammy