I am late getting in on this, but today is Marriage Monday!
As I pondered what to write about, since she gave us free-reign on the subject this month, my first thoughts were that marriage- even Christian marriage- can be challenging.
I am married to a good man who loves God, loves me, and loves our children.
But even this doesn't exempt me from occasionally getting frustrated with him, or feeling hurt over something he did (or didn't do).
Because when you think of it, living side by side with someone else day in and day out, there's got to be occasional conflict of some sort.
Add to the mix that each person comes from different family backgrounds, has different personalities, and the topper- a different gender than the other and therefore a sometimes different way of looking at things- wow!
But nevertheless, marriage is God's plan for most of us, and a gift...He wouldn't have ordained it if the benefits had the potential of outweighing the challenges!
(Taken on my 40th birthday- the theme was "the 40's"! He was no longer active duty here...;))
I think in churches, and in Christian circles of blogland, too, that a picture is painted of continuous marital bliss. So, some of us are left thinking, "Are we the only Christian couple who ever has a disagreement, gets sometimes disappointed in my mate, or feels frustration?"
I do heartily say that we should never publicly criticize our spouses, but instead honor them! (And mine can be incredibly romantic, caring, incredibly hard working...and I am truly blessed!)
But if we're all going to be honest, some of us- depending on personality types- are going to have some moments of non-marital bliss.
Yes, even my wonderful husband and I.
But even in our more challenging times, God has been right there with us, and sometimes has directed us to some great sources of encouragement and guidance.
I thought I would take this Marriage Monday to share a couple of them with you.
(Yes, even those of you who have a near-perfect marriage...because even good marriages can become that much better!)
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrich.
We attended a year long monthly video seminar through our church beginning in 2006 and it was life changing. He gives insight into how men and women look at life differently, which can cause complete misunderstanding...and although the same can be said of both genders, men primarily crave respect the most and women crave love and feeling loved...and how we can meet each other's needs.
Another couple we like immensely is Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. (Yep, they share the same name!)
We were blessed to be apart of an all-day live seminar at our church for couples on Valentine's Day a few years ago, and they give practical, every day advice for everything concerning marriage. One of their best sellers is "Saving your marriage before it starts" and they have written countless others on how to enjoy every day life with your spouse.
Of course, there are so many others out there...too many to mention.
So, you mention them!
What Christian author has been helpful to you in some way, large or small? Please share!
And to read other Marriage Monday posts, stop by our gracious host, Chrysalis!
Blessings!
Posts
23 comments:
Hey Tammy,
This was great! I like the way you said it seems like most of us live in maritial bliss after reading our blogs!
That is why I decided to be really honest too.
Marriage is work, but like anything worthwhile, it's worth the effort!
Great pay-offs for sure.
I've read the books you mentioned. They are GREAT.
One of the most difficult ones for me was by Larry Crabb, ouch...
Glad you decided to post!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on marriage. It is good to be reminded (as many times as it takes!) that we should honor our spouses. It's so easy to fall into the trap of criticism, etc. It is good to remember just why we are married. Thanks for sharing the book suggestions, I will have to check them out.
-Lynn
Very well said, dear Tammy. You are using great wisdom in your marriage.
I love the looks of the park you have found for bike riding - just beautiful!
Great, honest post. I'm madly in love with my hubby and we have a great relationship. But I agree - there are times when I want to kill him (lovingly of course).
Marriage, something that I did not know could be so wonderful till I was 52 years old....Marriage, the union of two into one...... God in the middle....... it is the only way for it to work........ I married so young for all the wrong reasons........... it did not work and for the next 30 years my life would be a mess....... Marriage, such a mystery... but wonderful plan of God.... Thanks for the wonderful post.
I appreciate your honesty, AND for sharing such excellent resources. Our daughter and son-in-law went through the Parrotts' book in their pre-marriage class and loved it. Of course, you already know I'm a huge fan of Eggerichs too.
Love that photo of the two of you! You seem so perfectly matched--even though sometimes it does take WORK.
Thanks for for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Tami. Hugs!
My hubby and I agree that we love each other deeply, all the time, every day - but quite frankly some days we simply don't like each other at a particular moment. And that's okay. We work through it, apologize when needed and move forward.
For me, one of the most life changing books I've ever read was Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." She is not a Christ-follower (she's Jewish) but her advice is Bible-based. And, it's nothing new but it is a very pointed, no-holding-back reminder of what our roles as wives should be.
Thanks for joining Marriage Monday. I enjoyed your post.
Lori
Great post! I agree we should never publicly criticize our spouses - I've seen marriages fall apart because of that. I haven't read these books - I'll have to check them out.
One of my favorites is the books by John and Stasi Eldredge - Wild at Heart and Captivating.
Tammy~ Marriage does take a lot of work... communication is key. Marriage is like a garden... you have to constantly pull out the weeds in order to reep the rewards of all of your hard work! Thanks for sharing.
My favorite Christian author is Max Lucadoo. I love all of his books. I don't remember on specifically on marriage but the advice has strengthened my marriage! 33 years and it's still working.
Absolutely, marriage is a challenge. The resources you listed are GREAT to help make it less of a challenge. Bless you for sharing.
Tammy, I think you're right, at church, in blogland, and when we're out places, couples put on a happy face and you can't tell the wounded from the wonderful. It does give the people who are struggling a sense of "being the only ones." Not to say that people should go around spouting off about their bad marriages, but I believe in the right venues, at the right time, and as God leads, we need to be totally honest and transparent. It is the only way from keeping our fellow Christians from feeling and BEING isolated and it's the only way any of us will grow. We have to be careful that while we're writing the prescriptions for happy, healthy marriages, that we are realistic for what happens in our present age and get honest about what can and in some cases does happen, so that we can get the help we need, draw on the Lord's strength, and guard against troubles in the future. We can also use our mistakes to mentor and teach younger or newer couples. We can't teach them to guard against what we're not willing to be honest and transparent about. I love my husband, but we're not perfect. We just surrender and want God to daily perfect us and transform us into His image. Our goal is to keep our eys upon Jesus. Everything else will fall in place after that. It can't help but to. Thank you for this very important post. We all need to be reminded of the point you're making.
Great post Tammy. As a wife of 37 years I can say first hand that you have to work at having a good marriage. We are very blessed to be so compatable but there are some days I could wring his neck and he mine! lol!!
Wonderful points! Love your honesty.
I love those resources you mentioned too.
Blessings,
Angela
Great post on marriage Tammy. Yes, even happy marriages have their issues that have to be worked on and worked out. The biggest problem is people give up and throw in the towel too quickly. I also think as a society we have too great expectations about EVERYTHING, including our marriages. Mickey & I have seen and been through some very dark times but we are happy we were both willing to pay the cost and we are truly reaping the benefits in our later years.
Ssan
It's a fine line for me sometimes when blogging (as we all know how things can be mis-construed when put in writing!) to "keep it real" while not cutting my hubby down "in public". I was single for so long and then got married and had an instant family and Doug and I certainly have had our share of rough patches. I hope I don't come across as perectly married, but I certainly hope people see me as happily married.
great post Tammy..what you said is really true..it's not all marital bliss...there are challenges too ..but the greatest thing for us is that we have our Lovingly Father whom we could run to and ask for HIs love , unconditional love for our mates and even ourselves when times get rough.
I took note of the books/authors.. RIght now, my Hubby and I are doing the couple Devotions NIGHT LIGht by James Dobson and wife. It's a great devotional material too!
God bless!
Oh, it's good to see people being honest! Christian marriage is great and fantastic and worth everything it costs, but it is also really hard work sometimes, and I really think we should be letting people know that, otherwise we end up with disillusioned young couples who think that they have done something terribly wrong not to be having the wonderful, harmonious marriages of other people in their churches.
The Broken Man
http://theblogofabrokenman.blogspot.com/
Great post. I've been married to a loving, giving, protective, romantic, godly, HIGH-MAINTENANCE man for 26 years. I thought we had it all together until I went to seminar by Shaunti Feldhahn. There I realized that I had several issues that were quite important to him that I was ignoring - even though he had made many pleas and hints in those areas. God convicted me and by His grace I am now making the requisite changes.
And the gratitude from my husband has been quite eye opening!
Hi Tammy,
I popped over from penless writer (and I think Momma Roar) - great post. I, too, got married later (I was 32) and am married to a great man of God. As you said, even good marriages have their rough spots AND good marriages can get even better. It takes two to make it work.
Blessings!
Shirley
HI! thanks for stopping by my blog!
I loved this post.....thanks for sharing your heart. We also really like the Parrotts. Great couple with godly wisdom and advice. Blessings to you!
What a great post Tammy! It's true that any great marriage takes work, but the rewards are so worth it.
Thanks for keeping it real! ;o)
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