Marriage Monday

Today, I'm participating in Marriage Monday, hosted by Chrysalis.


Want this button?
And the subject is not an easy one...Submission.

In fact, the title is officially called, "Submission is a decision, not a d*rty word!"

(Be sure to stop at Chrysalis place to find other participants in today's discussion. Plus, she has posted a video of pairs ice dancing- a beautiful visual of submission in practice!)

I certainly don't pretend to have it altogether, nor do I have a perfect marriage, even though I'm married to a great guy, and a Christian, to boot.
But I honestly don't always act the way I should, and neither does my husband. But we do love God with all of our hearts, and we love each other.
So, even though we're far from perfect, these are my personal views on this certain word called submission. They may not be everyone's view, but they are mine in as much as I can understand God's Word on the subject.



In today's culture, the idea of a wife submitting to her husband is not something kindly looked upon. The very concept even makes some people irate...or at the very least, has them shaking them heads, feeling sorry for the poor misguided wife who could belittle herself in this way.

So it is no wonder that so many of us as Christian women have a hard time with this concept!
And I admit it. There have been times when I have too. (OK, sometimes I still do!)

But maybe this is because so many of us have been confused about the real meaning of submission as it is described in the Bible.
Perhaps, we have interpreted the word "submission" to mean something less than wonderful...even degrading, in a sense.

Let's look at God's Word for a moment, in context...

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Ephesian 5:22-24

Although some would cringe at the thought that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of our church, stop for a moment and think what this actually means.

Take a look at the very next passage of Scripture...

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Ephesians 5:25-28

Christ, Who is the Head of the Church, loved with such sacrificial love...even unto death.
And though our husbands aren't necessarily called to physically die for us, they are called to "die unto self" for us. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church."
That's a pretty tall order!

Think of it. God is telling our husbands that they are to love us sacrificially, protect us, and put us above all else. A huge responsibility!
And I can certainly see how much easier it is to obey the command to being submissive if the role of the husband is obeyed as God intended!

Does this give us an excuse not to obey God in the area of submission when they are sometimes being a little less than loving?

Obviously, if there is physical abuse of any kind, this is not the kind of "submission" God is talking about!

But otherwise, we are called to obey God in our marriage and fulfill "our end of the deal" even when our husbands aren't loving us at their very best.

But what does "submission" really mean? Does it mean letting them make all the decisions?
Personally, I don't think so. I believe that God made the woman a helpmate and a partner in life. And the verse leading up to wives submitting to their husbands admonishes us to
"Submit to one another."
If we are praying wives, than we have a lot of God-given wisdom. And a wise husband will want to take counsel in us!

But what if your husband doesn't listen to you?

My husband will be the first (OK, the second...) to admit, that there have been a few times in our married life that God has perhaps given me wisdom in a situation, but at the time, my dear sweet hubby was so fixated on his idea that hearing anything to the contrary just made him frustrated.
And he didn't listen.
And he wished later he had.

Am I always right? Uh...no. Admittedly, I am not.
And so, on the other hand, how many times have I made a huge deal over the tiniest thing which was of no real consequence at all, instead of graciously submitting on it? Was my "winning" actually worth it?

Here is one more thought that has helped me immensely with this whole sensitive topic of submission:
We often think of the person who is doing the submitting as the "lesser" person. But wait...
Think about Jesus when he walked among us. What kind of role did He model for us? Didn't He actually become the Servant of all, even though He left His Heavenly place in Heaven to do so?

When I think of Jesus showing us all that it's best to seek to serve each other, than it puts this concept of submitting into a whole new light for me.

I don't believe wives are without authority. We are to be in charge of many aspects of life...just read Proverbs 31!
But life can get chaotic with two partners with the exact same authority. And when tough decisions need to be made and there's an impasse, someone needs to have the final say.

And if that someone is loving his wife, seeking her counsel, putting her needs above his, and seeking God's will as he leads, then that's when a true picture of marriage in the way God intended begins to emerge.
Because an earthly husband and wife are really a symbol of Christ and His Church. We are all the Bride of Christ.

My husband and I have a long way to go before we are any where near this ideal picture of submission and unselfish love. But with God's grace and power working in us, we can move just a little closer to this goal.

“ "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31-32