Drawing Closer

When I saw that Laurel Wreath had a New Year's Meditation we could participate in, at first I wasn't sure what to write. I have many so-called resolutions which I would want to see acomplished in this new year. But I also had something a little deeper, burning within me that I couldn't explain or articulate- even to myself. But then I started writing. The following are the prayerful thoughts from my own heart, written almost as if I were writing in a private journal. I'm sharing these because maybe a few of you can identify.

There are so many dreams buried deep within my heart. My heart, which is much younger than my actual years. And sometimes, I'm confused as to why I have such longings, when I have been given so much.

When I was a young, single woman, I had longings of a specific kind. My heart's desire was to find my one true love waiting somewhere out there...to be married...and then to have children. When I reached that ominous age of 30, and it still had not happened, it was quite easy for me to fear that it would just never would...time was slipping away. It scared me.
Yes, for some, being single can be a fulfilling life, blessed by God.
But I knew it was not the life I desired.

Yet... about that time, God did, indeed, answer my prayer and graciously sent me someone whom I would love and become my husband. And if that wasn't enough, I also now have two precious, little girls that call me Mommy.
Sometimes I am, indeed, so very thankful and overwhelmed with gratitude because of these wonderful answers to prayer.

Yet...sometimes I still find myself feeling longings that I can't quite explain. Shouldn't I simply be constantly thankful all of the time with all He has given me?
Yes, the Word says that I should be thankful at all times...so then the guilt and is added into the mix of emotions I sometimes feel.

But as this New Year dawns, I am also aware of a deep desire growing within me...a desire to grow closer to Him than ever before. And suddenly, it is all beginning to make sense.

Because, as wonderful as the gifts He gives to his children are, The Giver is even more wonderful. Nothing can compare.
So, maybe it hasn't been ingratitude all along that has caused these feelings deep within me so much as simply- and profoundly- the Lord gently beckoning me to draw closer...and my own restless heart yearning to respond.

When I attended Evie's Christmas concert recently, she sang a song from the point of view of a woman putting out her Nativity display. In this song, she thought she heard a simple little song coming from the shepherd figure, which she had placed towards the outside of the manger. He sang, "Move me closer...closer..." to the One who loves us most.

This year, it is my sincere heart's desire to draw even closer to the Lover of my soul than ever before.
Perhaps it is yours, as well. If so, I believe God will meet us where we are, if we just ask Him.

"O God, You are my God, earnestly will I seek You; my soul thirst for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water" ~Psalm 63:1